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Re: Adult (18+) jokes thread

Postby UberLamer » Wed Apr 12, 2017 6:40 am

:D :D :D thanks for these Guardsman ! Really enjoyable !
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Re: Adult (18+) jokes thread

Postby guardsman » Tue Apr 18, 2017 3:26 pm

UberLamer wrote::D :D :D thanks for these Guardsman ! Really enjoyable !


I'm glad that you're enjoying the jokes~! Like the old saying goes "Laughter is the best medicine."
:)

If you think life is bad - How would you like to be an egg? You only get laid once. You only get eaten once. It takes four minutes to get hard and only one minute
to get soft. You share your "Box" with eleven other guys. But worst of all, the only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother. So cheer up... Your life ain't
that bad!
:lol:
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Re: Adult (18+) jokes thread

Postby guardsman » Tue Apr 25, 2017 1:14 pm

A young guy drops off his girlfriend at her home after being out together on a date. When they reach the front door, he leans up against the house with one hand and asks her "How about a blowjob?" His girlfriend exclaims "What! Are you crazy?!" The young guy says "Don't worry, it will be quick." His girlfriend answers back "No! Someone might see us!" The young guy insists "It's just a small blowjob and I know you like it." She says for a final time, "No! I said no!" The young guy says "Baby, don't be like that." Suddenly, the girl's younger sister shows up at the front door in her nightgown with her hair a mess, rubbing her eyes. She looks at her older sister and smirks "Dad says either you blow him, I blow him or he'll come downstairs and blow the guy himself but for shit's sake, tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom!"
:lol:
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Re: Adult (18+) jokes thread

Postby UberLamer » Fri Apr 28, 2017 7:35 am

:lol: :lol: :lol: oh that was a GREAT one! Hahaha, thanks a lot guardsman! :P
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Re: Adult (18+) jokes thread

Postby guardsman » Tue May 02, 2017 8:06 pm

UberLamer wrote::lol: :lol: :lol: oh that was a GREAT one! Hahaha, thanks a lot guardsman! :P


You're most welcome, UberLamer!
:)

An old man woke up in the middle of the night and found to his astonishment that his penis was as hard as a rock for the first time in years. He shook his wife by the shoulder until she woke up and showed her his enormous boner. The old man exclaims "Check this out! What do you think we should do with it?" With one eye opened, his wife replies "Since you've got all the wrinkles out, now would be a good time to wash it."
:lol:
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Re: Adult (18+) jokes thread

Postby guardsman » Tue May 09, 2017 3:33 pm

One afternoon, a woman came home just in time to catch her husband in bed with another woman. With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged her husband down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vise. She then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next, she picked up a hacksaw. Her husband was terrified and screamed "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off are you?!" The woman, with a gleam of revenge in her eye replies "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire!"
:lol:
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Re: Adult (18+) jokes thread

Postby annoyment » Tue May 09, 2017 5:37 pm

Mad Max lulz :lol: :thanks:
"Hellos, plz help with this, will help backward." -weakling
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Re: Adult (18+) jokes thread

Postby guardsman » Wed May 17, 2017 1:25 am

annoyment wrote:Mad Max lulz :lol: :thanks:


I'm glad that I could get a laugh out of you, annoyment~!
:)

During his monthly visit to the corner barbershop, a man asked his barber for any suggestions on how to treat his increasing baldness. After a brief pause, the barber leaned over and confided that the best thing he'd come across for growing hair was to drink pussy juice. Shocked, the mans exclaims "But you're balder than I am!" The barber replies "That's true but you've got to admit that I've got one Hell of a bushy mustache!"
:lol:
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Re: Adult (18+) jokes thread

Postby guardsman » Wed May 24, 2017 3:21 pm

Late one night, three mice are sitting inside a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood trying to impress each other about how tough they are. The first mouse slams down a shot of scotch, pounds the shot glass to the bar, turns to the second mouse and says "When I see a mousetrap, I get on it, lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth and then bench press it a hundred times." The second mouse orders up two shots of tequila. He grabs one in each paw, slams down the shots and pounds the glasses to the bar. He turns to the other mice and brags "Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can and take it home. In the morning, I grind it up into a powder and put it in my coffee so I get a good buzz going for the rest of the day." The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse. The third mouse lets out a long sigh, turns to the first two and says "I don't have time for this bullshit. I gotta go home and fμck the cat."
:lol:
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