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Re: Adult (18+) jokes thread

Postby guardsman » Wed Mar 07, 2018 11:47 pm

A man was traveling through a town down in the South on his way to a major city for business. On his way, he saw a man having sex with a sheep. Deeply horrified, he pulled up to the nearest bar and ordered a straight Whiskey. Just as he was about to down his drink, he saw a man with one leg masturbating furiously at the bar. The man exclaims "Oh for shit's sake! What the fμck is going on here? I've been here one hour and I've seen a man shagging a sheep and now some guy's jerking himself off in the bar!" The bartender says "To be fair, you can't expect a man with only one leg to catch a sheep!"
:lol:
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Re: Adult (18+) jokes thread

Postby guardsman » Wed Mar 14, 2018 11:12 pm

One day, a man stops by his friend's house for a visit. They talk for a while and then the friend says "My feet are cold. Would you be so kind as to go upstairs and bring me my fleece slippers please?" The man obliges and goes upstairs. There he sees his friend's eighteen year old daughters, both of whom are very good looking. Being the adventurous and quick thinking kind, he tells them "Hi, ladies! Your daddy sent me here to have sex with you!" They stare at him and say "That can't be right!" the man answers "Ok, let's check." The man shouts at his friend down the stairs "Both of them?" The friend louldly replies "Yes, both of them!"
:lol:
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Re: Adult (18+) jokes thread

Postby guardsman » Wed Mar 21, 2018 11:14 pm

A man comes home from a late night of drinking. As he falls through the doorway, his wife shouts at him, "What's the big idea, coming home half drunk?" The man replies "I'm sorry honey. I ran out of money at the strip club."
:lol:
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Re: Adult (18+) jokes thread

Postby annoyment » Wed Mar 21, 2018 11:22 pm

:omg: :lol: :thanks:
"Hellos, plz help with this, will help backward." -weakling
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Re: Adult (18+) jokes thread

Postby guardsman » Wed Apr 04, 2018 11:31 pm

One day, a man was walking down the street where a hooker was standing. The hooker looks up and down at the man seductively and asks "Say, you wanna have a good time?" The man tells her "Sure!" and they both rush off to the nearest motel. As the hooker takes off her clothes, the man keeps staring at her intensely. She says "Is this the first pussy you've seen since you crawled out of one?" The man replies "Nope. It's just the first one I've seen that's big enough to crawl back into!"
:lol:
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Re: Adult (18+) jokes thread

Postby guardsman » Wed Apr 11, 2018 11:01 pm

One day, a man was driving down a quiet country lane when suddenly out into the road, strayed a rooster. The man's car flattens the rooster leaving only a cloud of feathers. The man nervously pulls over at the farmhouse and rings the doorbell. A farmer appears. Somewhat shaken, the man says "I think I killed your rooster. Please allow me to replace him." Puzzled, the farmer scratches his head and replies "Okay. Suit yourself. The hens are 'round the back."
:lol:
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Re: Adult (18+) jokes thread

Postby guardsman » Wed May 23, 2018 11:45 pm

A man goes on a hunting trip. He had all the gear, the jacket, the boots and the double-barrel shotgun. As he was climbing over a fence, he dropped the shotgun and it went off, right on his penis. The man is rushed to the local doctor. When he wakes up from surgery, he found that the doctor had done a marvelous job repairing it. As he got ready to go home, the doctor gives the man a business card and says "This is my brothers card. I'll make an appointment for you to see him." Confused, the man asks "Is your brother a doctor?" The doctor replies "No. He is a musician who plays the flute. He'll show you where to put your fingers so that you don't piss all over yourself."
:lol:

Hi, everybody! Sorry I was out for a long time - I was dealing with a lot of problems IRL but I'm back again~!
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Re: Adult (18+) jokes thread

Postby Scaryfun » Thu May 24, 2018 3:45 am

Life is full of problems, yes. Wishing you smooth sailing. :hug:
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